How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
