if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
