We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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