Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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