we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
