There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
