I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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