i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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