The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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