Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
