i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
