the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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