Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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