Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
