I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
