So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
