i jhust puked up my retainher.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
