im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
