Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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