Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize