Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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