He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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