Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found the puke drawer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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