Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
