loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
