I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
