The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
