oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
