My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
