I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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