his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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