How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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