I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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