I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
