One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
is it fun? or sober?
PANTIES FOUND
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
