You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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