no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We talked him into tasing himself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
