we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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