He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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