if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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