Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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