This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
