guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
