Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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