My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've blown a few things in my day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
