I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
