if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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