Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
