I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
