He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize