Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FUCK WHALES
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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