sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
