Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize