I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
