If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
