I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
