I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
And then he peed in my hair
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