he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
