I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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