so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
