My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
