u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
