I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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