my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
