i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
