Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
