she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
