Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
