we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
