just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
