they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bring me that man meat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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