your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
