and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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