your parents love me but you hate me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
